My Collection

Not long ago I was at a restaurant waiting for Trey to meet me for lunch.  While waiting, I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on the conversation happening at the booth behind me.  Two 20-something girls were talking about guys they had or were currently dating.  One of the girls said “Yeah, he’s really kinda gross but I keep him around because he’s an accountant and helps me with my taxes each year.”  As the conversation progressed, I started wondering if I have been approaching friendships wrong.  Perhaps rather than making friends based on common interests and likable personalities, I ought to begin making friends based on what they can offer.  With this in mind, I’ve developed the following “friendship wish list.”  Kindred spirits need not apply.

1.  I am searching for an architect.  Trey and I intend to add-on to our house at some point in the future but I need help putting my ideas into a real plan.  This architect needs to pretend to listen to Trey’s ideas but really incorporate my ideas instead.  Oh, and they need to work for free.

2.  I’m hoping to find a professional puppeteer.  I have my reasons.

3.  I’d like to have a friend that is a botanist that specializes in identification of invasive species common to Arkansas and how to remove these species from my back yard.

4.  I would like to recruit a rich benefactor to my friend list.  I’d prefer this person to leave cash lying around my house whenever they visits.  Perhaps this person has been eager to invest in the building of a treehouse, fire pit, and addition with no strings attached.

5.  My friend roster is badly in need of an inventor.  I have lots of ideas that I’d love to share!

6.  Mojo and Banjo would benefit from a friend that is a dog whisperer.  (but not the original dog whisperer because he had sketchy legal issues not long ago…but I’d like his roller skates)

7.  Surely there is an aspiring personal organizer that would want to be my friend and practice their skills in my home.

8.  I am also searching for an eccentric survivalist.  I would like nothing more than to look in my backyard one day and spot this friend building a lean after starting a cooking fire with a bow drill.  To be clear…I don’t want this person to be naked and afraid.

9.  Now recruiting a personal trainer to show up at the house to whip Trey and I into shape.  A chef.  I’d like a chef.

10.  The list needs a former boy band member who went on to a successful solo career and is a frequent guest on a late night talk show.  I don’t know, maybe his name is Justin?

All applicants need to assume that there will be other duties that might arise during the course of the friendship.  Current friends should not feel slighted by my adding to the collection.  I already have quite an impressive collection of friends including lawyers, teachers, therapists, an archeologist, a sociologist, professors, students, artists, moms, dads, retirees, a blogger, entrepreneurs, a tattoo artist, and many more.  I’m simply thinking about me here.  Other than meaningful relationships that keep my life fulfilled, what have they given me?  Its time to add to the list.


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