I loved my kids from the moment I knew they were a consideration. Holding each baby for the first time was indescribable. I remember losing periods of time while studying each contour of their little faces and watching each movement and gesture. I smelled them constantly, soaking in the sweet scent of a newborn. I anticipated noises before they even escaped their perfect little lips.
As precious as those first days were, I can say that each stage has been better than the last. I currently believe that the current stage is my absolute favorite, until the next.
At age 8 1/2, Logan has developed into a great kid. We no longer have the daily power struggles or tantrums of his earlier days. He continues to be curious about the world around him but is now old enough to ask questions and seek out information on his own. He is a loyal friend and a loving son/nephew/grandson/great grandson. Logan dotes on his younger brother like I never dreamed. He is ambitious and competitive. While he sometime
s has difficulty managing his anxiety and perfectionism, he is learning balance. He has a great sense of humor and keeps us laughing with his witty comebacks. Sure, we have our headache moments, but I love that kid with all of my heart!
Jack is his own creature. He is affectionate, observant, and independent. I loved this stage with Logan, and am loving it with Jack. Each day brings new discoveries and new words. He walked into my room this morning and said “Jack eat cupcake now, Mama!” He calls our dogs Momo (Mojo) and B-Mo (Banjo). I love how he says “Hi, B-Mo!” Even cuter was the week he called them “Momo” and “More Momo.” He isn’t quite ready to potty train but is becoming more aware of his body. He randomly grabs his crotch and hollers “Jack pee-pee! Hooray!” He loves to pick his nose (not my favorite) but makes it adorable when he says “Jack pick’n de nose!”
The boys are thick as thieves. Trey and I have begun calling them “Monkey see” and “Monkey do.” Wherever Logan goes, Jack is sure to follow!
I keep reminding myself to imprint these moments upon my mind. I never want to forget the boys lying in the hammock together. I never want them to stop saying “What up, Jack” “Up, brudder?” I never want to forget Logan snuggling against me at church or Jack saying “Silly Daddy!” I want always picture Trey and Logan chasing each other through the house playing “Gotcha!” I want to have a sore stomach from laughing at the dinner table with my family. Part of me wants to pause time so I can marinate in this stage forever…but then I remember how I thought the same thing a year ago. Perhaps this is the internal struggle if any mom in love. What a lovely space to be in; conflicted on what is sweeter, the past, the present, or the future. When I have clients struggling with depression, I often reference the book “14,000 Things To Be Happy About” which lists exactly what the title says. Sometimes we need reminders of where there are stars in the dark and rainbows in the rain. (A client recently gave me this quote and I’m in love with the words!). We’ve had a difficult stretch with multiple family deaths, family illness, and changes in employment. I’ve struggled, at times, with my “what if’s” and “woe is me’s.” Lately, life seems to be more sunny. The fog has lifted. When and if it rolls back in, I will return to my memories of this stage and will be able to find my way again. They may pretend to have other super powers but my boys have the power to give me purpose and pleasure. For this I am eternally grateful.