Before having verbal children, I remember more experienced parents warning me “Just wait until he can say NO!” I officially have two strong-willed boys that are proficient in the art of a good “NO!” However, the warning I needed from my expert parenting peers was how often I would hear MYSELF saying no. Actual examples from my 8 years of saying “no” to Logan and Jack:

No, you may not climb in the fridge.

No! Dogs are not for riding!

No, we do not drink from the hotel potty!

No! You may not quit school and learn from the land.

No, that is not your daddy.

No, you may not have a stepdad.

No! Crayons are for drawing, not for eating.

No, you may not remove your penis.

No, mama’s ears are not for licking.

No, no! We do not pee at the playground.

No, absolutely no! You may not climb on the roof.

No! You order root beer, not beer.

NO! Spaghetti does not go in your diaper.

No, you may not wear rain boots to bed. …in the bath. …to church.

No, we don’t eat from the trash.

No. You don’t need chest hair to be a big boy.

No. Mojo does not need socks.

No, no, no! Yogurt goes in your mouth not in your hair! (or my hair!)

NOOOOO! We don’t poop in the bathtub!

No, you may not bite the dog’s tail.

No, you may not bite that dog’s tail either.

NO! You may not sleep in that bed. (referring to display beds in Dillards)

No, you may not live at walmart.

No, you may not have a phone to text the moms of all your friends.

No, we don’t need 4 more children!

NOOOO! Don’t eat mama’s book!

No, I don’t want to hear you talk about minecraft for 30 more minutes.

No, we don’t feed boogers to the dog.

NO! I’m too tired to justify a reason, the answer is just NO!

No, that is a beluga whale, not your daddy. (Poor Logan was very confused while Trey was deployed.)

No thank you, I don’t care for your half chewed food. Thank you for sharing.

No, we can’t leave the baby at home alone.

No, the dogs can’t babysit you.

Mentors, I needed a better warning. These kids are wearing me out!

BONUS: No, Trey, you may not remodel another room until that toilet is off my front porch!