Below is a 100% true and accurate account of our morning. Trey left for work early and was not home to witness any of the “fun.” No worries, folks, I’m leaving for a girls’ retreat this weekend. He’ll get his…
7:05a I sit straight up in bed and immediately realize that my alarm failed to go off and we are in “sprint mode.”
7:06a “LOGAN! LOGAN! I overslept and need you to move at lightening speed!” – Logan sits on the edge of his bed and I believe he is up and moving. I race into the kitchen to start the keurig, throw together breakfast, snatch Jack out of his crib, change his diaper and clothes quickly, and fasten him into the highchair to eat.
7:11a “LOGAN! LOGAN! Breakfast is on the table. Where are you?” -Run back to Logan’s room to find him asleep in bed.
7:12a “LOGAN! LOGAN! I NEED YOU UP!” – Pulling both legs out from the covers and spinning him so his feet touch the floor. From the other room I hear a series of strange sounds. (“poink” followed by a rolling sound & repeat) I run to the table to find Jack has escaped the high chair, crawled onto the kitchen table and is throwing the decorative fake fruit one by one onto the floor. I put Jack back in his high chair, put Elmo videos on the laptop, and sit down to eat my breakfast and drink my tea before realizing that Logan still hasn’t left his room.
7:17a “LOGAN! THIS TIME I MEAN IT! GET UP AND GET DRESSED!” – I stomp back to Logan’s room
to make sure he knows I mean business when I hear Jack yell “No! No! Dog!” and start crying. I run back to the table to find that Banjo has stolen Jack’s yogurt. I chase Banjo away and kiss Jack on the head. I notice Logan is at the table WEARING SHORTS AND A SLEEVELESS SHIRT!? “LOGAN!? IT IS 34 DEGREES OUTSIDE! GO CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES AND HURRY!”
7:25a I run into the bathroom and strip down for my shower when I hear Jack cry “Eat! Eat!” Crap! I forgot to give him another yogurt. I pray the neighbors aren’t anywhere nearby to see my naked self running around the house. I grab yogurt, give it to Jack, throw Banjo outside, and verbally prompt Logan again before jumping into the shower.
7:27a “Mama? Banjo stole Jack’s yogurt again!”
“Give him another. Wait? How did Banjo get back in?”
“Mama? I believe in second chances but that was before she got into the trash!”
7:31a Out of shower, throw on clothes, and begin to dry my hair.
“Mama? Why are shoes required?”
“LOGAN! We don’t have time to talk about this now. Go brush your teeth.”
Jacks suddenly runs past my doorway into Logan’s room waving a ladle and a dish towel over his head.
“JACK! How did you escape the highchair again!?”
Exaperated, I throw my body backwards onto my bed. I get up and finish getting ready while yelling commands that are promptly ignored. I clean up the trash and grab my purse and phone.
7:45a “LOGAN! JACK! TIME TO GO! LOAD UP! WAIT? WHERE ARE JACK’S SHOES? LOGAN? LOGAN?
WHERE ARE YOU? GET OUT OF BED!? BANJO, GET OUT OF THE TRASH! WHERE IS MOJO? JACK, GET
OFF MOJO? ALL DOGS OUTSIDE! NO, JACK, DOGS ONLY! ALL BOYS INSIDE! ALL BOYS TO THE CAR!
LOGAN, DO YOU HAVE YOUR BACKPACK AND COAT? JACK, DO YOU HAVE YOUR DIAPER BAG AND COAT? YES LOGAN, I KNOW HE DOESN’T KNOW THE WORDS TO ANSWER ME BUT I’M ASKING TO KEEP MYSELF ORGANIZED. BUCKLE UP!”
7:55a “Mama? Where are you going?”
“LOGAN! I’m taking you to school! We do this every morning! What did you think I was…Oh, you are right. I was headed to Jack’s daycare. I’m sorry I was sassy with you. Thanks for the reminder.”
8:00a As we are pulling into Logan’s school he asks “Mama, i’m surprised you didn’t get the yogurt out of your hair before we left the house.”
“The yogurt in your hair.”
“WHAT YOGURT (reaching back and discovering that I have a glob of yogurt in my hair)…I didn’t even eat yogurt!?”
“Mama, when you got frustrated and plopped on the bed you laid in Banjo’s yogurt and it got in your hair.”
“LOGAN! Why didn’t you tell me?
“LOGAN!? WHY DIDN”T YOU TELL ME WHEN IT HAPPENED?”
“Mama, I thought you wanted it there?”
“LOGAN! Since when do I keep yogurt in my bed?”
8:02a Dropped Logan off at the front door of his school and headed towards Jack’s daycare with an empty stomach, yogurt in my hair, and a full day of work ahead of me.